As I am filled with dread as I approach the second anniversary of my mother’s passing, I am reminded of a simpler time that changed my outlook on love, life, and how I saw my mother. When I was a teenager, one night Mom decided we would have a girls’ night in and watch a movie. I don’t recall why, but the movie choice was hers and she decided it was very important for me to see The Way We Were. For those of you not familiar with the film, it is an early 1970s film starring Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford. It is considered to be one of the most romantic films of all time and has one of the most iconic theme songs which also happened to be one of my Mom’s favorite songs.
The story focuses on the two main characters Katie (Barbra Streisand) and Hubbell (Robert Redford) who are truly polar opposites of each other. They meet in college, but then go their separate ways. Their paths cross again after World War II and they fall in love. But their love story isn’t an easy one and from my teenager point of view it seemed like they spent a lot of time arguing and breaking up and then getting back together again.
[WARNING SPOILER ALERT COMING]
One of the last scenes in the movie is when after being apart for a few years Katie and Hubbell meet by chance in front of the Plaza Hotel in New York City. And it was right at this scene where I fell asleep!!!! The last thing I remembered was that Katie and Hubbell saw each other and, because of the pattern of this love story throughout the rest of the movie, I just assumed they saw each other, realized their love was greater than their differences and got back together FOREVER. The End! Because I was young, thought I was in love, and had never gotten my heart broken that was the only ending that made sense. I thought Katie and Hubbell were the greatest story of love overcoming all the odds ever told! They were going to forget all the bad times and just focus on the good times. Remember the laughter and forget the pain. What an amazing story!
So imagine my surprise fifteen years later when AFI first published its 100 Greatest Movies of All Time. My husband was appalled at how many of the movies on the list I had not seen so we decided we would watch all 100 movies together. Of course, The Way We Were was on the list and I was excited about watching this triumphant love story. As all of you who have seen the movie know (and those of you who haven’t probably now have guessed), Katie and Hubbell do not get back together. This story is heartbreaking and by the time Katie’s hand brushes Hubbell’s hair in the last scene, I was a sobbing mess!!! By this point in my life, my own heart had been broken more than once and I knew all too well that sometimes love wasn’t enough to keep two people together. They were remembering the way they WERE, not thinking about the way they were going to be. They weren’t laughing. I wasn’t laughing. I was in pain. What a horrible story!
The next day I called my mother. “Why would you let me think all these years that they got back together?” I asked. “My version of the story for all this time was wrong!” Her response was only “I liked your version better.” Years later, we stood at that same spot in front of the Plaza Hotel in New York City and laughed about it. She asked me which version I liked better–the one I thought was the ending or the one that really was the ending. I thought about it awhile and admitted that the real ending was the better ending. As heartbreaking as it was, it was the most realistic and that was part of its beauty. My mom said “Sometimes the version you like best is the version that need most at that time in your life. A lot things in your life are going to have a sad ending eventually, but that doesn’t mean the ending isn’t beautiful or you don’t have happy times getting to the ending. Focus on the good.”
I don’t know why it was important that night for us to watch The Way We Were and I don’t really know why she didn’t show me the real ending when I woke up or watch it with me again later so I’d know the truth. But I know she decided at that time that it was more important for me to think that love would conquer all. I also think in her own way she wanted me to stand up for my own beliefs and have my own opinions and not worry about whether some boyfriend would love me or not if I voiced them. After all, in my world at that time, Hubbell loved (and stayed with) Katie no matter what. It was important to my mom that I, like Katie, be true to myself. I think that was the version I needed most at that time in my life.
October 17th is a sad day for me. No matter what I say or do, I’m going to be sad. But it’s also a day for me to celebrate my mom’s life and all she meant to me so that’s what I’m going to try to do. I’m going to focus on the good and the laughter. Because I like that version better.
Memories may be beautiful and yet What's too painful to remember We simply choose to forget So it's the laughter we remember Whenever we remember The way we were
Buddha, Bee and Me 