On September 1st every year, Mom would call me and ask the same question–“Have you made my cookies yet?” I knew exactly what cookies she meant–my ginger cookies, her favorite cookies. She always said they smelled and tasted like fall. Even though it was probably still 95 degrees outside, to her September 1st meant fall was here and it was time for me to start baking. When I would remind her that she also had the same recipe, she would always reply, “But they taste better when you make them.” So at least once every year, sometime between September 1st and Thanksgiving, I would bake the cookies.
When my son, Jack, was little, the cookies became one of his favorites too. Probably due in part to the fact that Mom (aka Nana) would sneak them to him behind my back! Much like Buffalo Rock ginger ale, my Mom jokingly claimed that the ginger cookies had healing properties and so whatever ailment Jack had–tummyache, skinned knee, “mymomsaidno”-itus–the cookies were sure to cure it. Pretty soon, I had the two of them pestering me for cookies every autumn.
In October 2016, a good friend of ours entered her red velvet cake in the N.C. State Fair competition. Mom was so proud of Angie and beyond excited when Angie’s cake won a blue ribbon!!! During one of our last conversations, she said she wanted me to enter the cookies in the fair. She passed away unexpectedly three days after that conversation. I did not make the cookies that year.
The remaining months of 2016 and first few months of 2017 when my father-in-law passed away were some of the most difficult months for my family. By fall of 2017, as we were approaching the one year anniversary of my mom’s passing, I felt like we were slowly coming out of a fog. There were still bad days , but the bad days were starting to feel farther between. One day Jack approached me and asked if we could make the cookies. I told him I didn’t think I could make those cookies anymore and suggested we make another kind. He was persistent though and said he needed to make those cookies because they were a cure for whatever ailed us. So, yes, I caved and we made the cookies and one particularly bad day started to feel a little better.
In the fall of 2017, Jack was cast as Brom Bones in The Legend of Sleepy Hollow for his middle school’s play. I was only a little surprised when he came home after rehearsal one night one week before the play opened and let me know that he had volunteered me to make the cookies for a prop in the play and “since you are already making cookies, could you make extras for all the cast?” The little manipulator went so far as to remind me that the cookies would be a nice reminder of Nana at the play. Yes, I caved again and I made the cookies.
Several weeks ago, Jack suggested that this might be THE year to enter the cookies in the N.C. State Fair. At first I just joked with him about it, but then I started thinking why not. I reached out to Angie for guidance and she along with Tom and Jack encouraged me to take this leap. So in the days leading up to the third anniversary of Mom’s passing, I distracted myself by baking cookies. Lots of cookies! And I talked to Mom every step of the way.
How exciting it is that today–the actual anniversary day, the day I dread more than all the other days of the year–I learned that my cookies won first place in their category in the 2019 N.C. State Fair. One of the most amazing things I have learned on this journey the past three years is that it is possible to experience grief and joy at the same time. Today has been an incredibly hard day, but my heart is bursting with joy with this news. Maybe Mom was right and these cookies are a cure-all…at least for a moment today!
Buddha, Bee and Me 