A Perfect Day

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“Be the things you love about the people you miss the most.” Today marks the fifth anniversary since the day I lost my mother and I haven’t been the same since that day. Maybe it’s been living through a pandemic for eighteen months. Maybe it’s been the passage of time. Maybe it’s the fact that this year I celebrated my own 50th birthday and did some of own reflections of life. But over the past few months, I have truly focused not on what I lost when my mother passed away on that horrible day, but on all the amazing things I have gained in my life just because she was my mother both when she was here on earth with me and since.

The day after my mother passed away I found a book I had given her several years ago called “Did You Ever Go Parking?” It was one of those books filled with questions that she was supposed to go through and answer. I had not seen this book since the Christmas I gave it to her so I sat on the floor to see what she had answered. I was not surprised that being my typical my mother, she picked and chose the questions she would answer on her terms. Some of her answers were insightful, some of her answers were questionable, and some of her answers were heartbreaking because I realized at that moment I would never hear the rest of the story.

But one question and one answer stood out among the rest—Describe your perfect day. Her answer–To spend the day with my father at the beach or in the mountains with a good book to read.

That’s it.

No fancy restaurant. No exotic location. No expensive shopping trip. No New York City–her favorite city to visit. No Carnegie Deli Cheesecake-her favorite food. Not my brother or me, her favorite child (just kidding, Andrew!). Not her best friends whom she loved dearly. Not even her grandchildren whom she could not go more than a couple days without seeing. All she needed for a perfect day was my dad and a book. She didn’t write it, but I know she was telling me anything else would be a bonus.

When Tom and I got married, my mother and I had a fight before the wedding one day because I told her that all l needed on my wedding day was me, Tom and a preacher and I would be happy. Everything was would be a bonus. Since she and my father were paying for the wedding that comment did not go over very well. Later when I told her I was incredibly thankful for all the bonuses of that day she said she understood what I meant.

Years later when I was recovering from brain surgery and my mother came to help take care of me, we talked a lot about focusing on what matters in life and being grateful for not only those things but also the bonuses we are blessed with every day.

So although I don’t know when my mother answered her question–I gave her the book after my son was born, I do think she was saying spending the day with my father and a good book is what matters most– anything else is a bonus.

This is one of my favorite pictures of my mother. I did not see it until the day she died. It was taken a few days before she died at the beach with my dad. She would hate this picture. She didn’t fix her hair. She doesn’t have on makeup. She is absolutely beautiful. She is having her perfect day! She is with my dad at the beach with a book. It gives me great comfort to know she had not only this perfect day, but many perfect days in her lifetime. It also gives me tremendous comfort to know so many of her perfect days included bonuses. What a blessing!

What is your perfect day? Have you enjoyed it yet? If not, why not?

And if you are blessed like my mother was maybe you will get to have several perfect days –maybe some with bonuses!